“You don’t get to say that.”

[anonymous]

 

Please. Do elaborate on what I do not get to say.

I am genuinely asking.

Do I not get to say that there are days when I feel like I am screaming at a thick, frosted, glass wall, acting the fool, hoping I am understood through the pane?

Do I not get to say that I had expectations, ones you never bothered to know of, take care of, to think of?

Do I not get to say that I am tired of handing you chances?

Do I not get to say that I am tired of waiting, tired of wanting for you to take them? That I trusted that you would?

Do I not get to say that I should have realised how futile my attempts are? That I should have listened to what the others told me? That I should have just taken a hint and given up?

Do I not get to say that I wanted to just. give. up. But there was a voice in my head saying, thinking, imagining “oh, they’ll come around”.

“Oh, they’re just busy.”

“Oh, they have a lot to do.”

Do I not get to say how tired I am of making excuses, of justifying your apathy and heartlessness to myself?

 

….

 

Do I not get to feel like I’ve been stabbed both at the back, when you said nothing, and at the front, when you did?

Do I not get to say that it hurts?

Because it does.

You don’t get to decide that it doesn’t.

You don’t get to say that.