shhhhh

by Iya de Claro (Class 2023)

silence. that’s all that there was to it. it was a deadly silence between us that pierced through every part of my being, every phospholipid bilayer of every cell of my stratified nonkeratinized epithelium. it was an army of macrophages that travelled across my bloodstream and phagocytized all of my own cells.

 

it may have seemed like nothing to you, but it felt like something even greater than the expansive universe we reside in, and heavier than a metric ton of feathers, to me. it was a silence that brought pain and agony to my very person.

 

it was a violent silence, one that screamed into my ears every single night at full volume. it was a haunted silence that visited my nightly dreams, waking me up in a cold sweat. i was merely a beta wolf to this alpha madness. it hurt, how you tried to distance yourself from me

 

and yet i bathed in this silence, not looking your way, not meeting your eyes, avoiding you along corridors. i let myself marinate in this quietness. i kept to myself— i had to. i had to seem stronger than this. i had to seem stronger than you, more powerful, more alpha, as you would put it.

 

but i knew that i caused all this. i caused this wretched, horrible, crazy, heartbreaking silence. and i am still sorry.

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